Top 10 Chris Farley Moments

Like many guys around my age, I grew up idolizing and mimicking Chris Farley, who passed away 15 years ago yesterday (12/18/97). I couldn’t go a day in high school without regurgitating one of his one-liners. I ended up reading, “The Chris Farley Show” – a heart-wrenching biography and cautionary tale (named after the recurring sketch on SNL) that explored his darker side. It’s crazy that comic-actors can accurately portray people with such glaring flaws, yet fall into the same traps as their characters.

In many ways, I see a lot of Chris in myself. I’d like to think that I learned a lesson from his unfortunate passing, but I don’t have anywhere near the resources or the temptations he did. I party like a goddamn animal and that’s on a penny-pinching, no-name budget. God help me if I ever hit it big. Miss ya, big guy. Here are my top moments in no particular order:

Tommy Callahan in Tommy Boy…
Tommy: Uh, what my associate is trying say is… Our new brake pads are really cool. You’re not even gonna believe it. Like, let’s say you’re driving along the road with your family.
[Picks up model car]
Tommy: You’re drivin’ along, la-de-da, woo. All of a sudden there’s a truck tire in the middle of the road. And you hit the brakes. EEEEEEEEE! Whoa, that was close. Ha-ha. Now let’s see what happens when you’re driving with the “other guy’s” brake pads. You’re drivin’ along, you’re drivin’ along, the kids start shouting from the back seat, “I gotta go to the bathroom, Daddy!” “Not now, damn it!” Truck tire. EEEEEEEE! I CAN’T STOP!
[Slams model car into lighter]
Tommy: There’s a cliff! AAAAAHH! And your family’s screaming,
[sets car on fire]
Tommy: “Oh my God, we’re burning alive!” “No! I can’t feel my legs!” Here comes the meat wagon.
[Imitates siren]
Tommy: And the medic gets out and says, “Oh my God”. New guy’s around the corner puking his guts out.
[Imitates retching]

Bus Driver in Billy Madison
Bus Driver: That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ace, I know from experience dude. If you know what I mean.
Billy Madison: No, you don’t.
Bus Driver: Well, not me personally but a guy I know. Him and her *got it on*. Wooo-eee!
Billy Madison: No, they didn’t.
Bus Driver: No, no, no they didn’t. But you could imagine what it’d be like if they did, right…? Everybody on, good, great, grand, wonderful.
Bus Driver: No yelling on the bus!

Security Guard in Wayne’s World
Garth: Uh-oh. I think we took a wrong turn, ‘cuz we’re outside now.
Wayne: Whoa! Look! Is this Alice’s limo?
Security Guard: It belongs to Frank Sharp, head of Sharp Records. Good friend of Alice’s.
Garth: Wow. That’s, like, way bigger than a normal size car.
Security Guard: Well, it has to be. He drives everywhere. Hates to fly. He’s going across the country right now to look for new acts to sign to his label. Next stop is St Louis. Then he’ll come back up through Chicago on his way to Detroit.
Garth: Thanks.
Wayne: (*to the camera*) For a security guard, he had an awful lot of information, don’t you think?

Jimmy in Dirty Work
Mitch: Yeah, well, things could be worse, you know. I could have got my nose bit off by a Saigon whore!
[Jimmy slowly turns to face the camera and blows smoke from his cigarette, exposing his scarred nose]
Jimmy: [shouts] You bastard!
Mitch: Hey, I’m just messin’ with you, Jimmy. I saw you down there. Hey, Mazetti, get Jimmy a beer on me.
Jimmy: [laughs] Okay. It’s all right.

Matt Foley Motivational Speaker

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The Chris Farley Show

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Chippendale’s dancer

Lay Off Me, I’m Starving “Gap Girl”

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