I wrote the script for this video about Peyton Manning’s funniest lines from tv commercials. It’s actually the second script I wrote for Uproxx, the first script had to take a backseat to this more time-sensitive piece, but is currently in production.
Initially, the idea was to try to cram all of Peyton’s TV commercials into 1 minute, but the dude has been in so many spots since his NFL debut in 1998 that you could make a feature-length movie. The running time of the first draft was longer than 4 minutes, which is the equivalent of an epic saga on the internet.
Peyton just can’t say no to endorsements. Hell, even last night he mentioned how he’s gonna drink Budweiser in two separate interviews with the same network and managed to kiss Papa John while surrounded by a swarm of cameras. Budweiser insists they didn’t pay Manning for those plugs, but it seemed awfully commercial and synergistic considering Bud ran a few spots during the game.
What a tremendous middle finger to Coors Light! If you’re Coors Light, you have to be miffed. You’re from Golden, Colorado, you already have Denver’s baseball stadium on lock, and your football team’s legendary quarterback is blatantly pushing your biggest competitor, Budweiser. Woof.
I’ve also started freelance work as the co-editor of GMenHQ.com. We recently published an article asking our readers whose career you’d rather have, Peyton’s or Eli’s. Before Super Bowl 50, I think a lot of people would’ve sided with Eli, but being the first quarterback to win a Super Bowl with two different teams and collecting your 200th win might’ve swayed the masses to Peyton. Eli believes he could play until at least 40, so if he can stay healthy, he could match Peyton’s accolades. As much as Eli was pulling for Peyton to the media, he sure looked bummed, or emotionless, when Denver sealed the win.
But, when it comes to commercials, I have to give the edge to Peyton. Each season, I’d find myself or my friends constantly repeating lines from his commercials: “Cut that Meat!” “D-caf!” “Laser rocket arm” “Chicken Parm you taste so good!” I can’t remember a season when someone didn’t use one of his lines as their fantasy football team name. Though, Peyton wouldn’t give us the satisfaction of announcing his retirement in the post-game interview or press conference, we shouldn’t expect him to pass on TV commercials anytime soon.
Neal Lynch 
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