Bikini Crotch Charms Are Like Wallet Chains for Your Vagina

Source: Crotch charms to add to your bikini are surely a recipe for disaster

A Japanese jewelry company called “BoDivas” is selling a bikini crotch charm called the beachtail.

Here’s what Mashable’s Rachel Thompson had to say about it:

“The ‘beachtail’ accessory is made from a rhodium silver-plated metal chain and Swarovski crystals. But, for beachgoers soaking up the sun during the warm summer months, wearing anything made of metal is pretty much a recipe for disaster. And, you might end up getting a nasty burn.”

As my titillating title suggests, this bikini crotch charm is a wallet chain for your vagina. A ham wallet chain, if you will. And YOU WILL.

Hey, pick-up truck owners have truck nuts. Bikini wearers have beachtails. Let ’em hang, girlz.

The beachtail is sort of like those old school hanging rope doorbells. There’s no button. There’s no knocker. There’s a long rope hanging down. You want to announce your presence at the doorstep? You yank down on the rope and somewhere a gong goes off. If you’re a dude cruisin’ the shoreline and you see a beachtail, and you’d like to give your best bible salesman pitch, just give the beachtail a lil’ tug.

Ladies, if you’re into the beachtail, you’ll probably also need to snag the BoDivas Nipple Noose and the Ladies Clip non-piercing clitoris jewelry.

What kind of woman would wear non-piercing jewelry? Ah, there’s the conundrum. A woman with nipple, vaginal, and clitoral piercings knows pain. My dumb logic is that women with multiple piercings in the most sensitive of areas are desensitized in those areas. So, they’ll probably expect some hardcore maneuvers when hooking up.

Or maybe it’s the complete opposite. I really don’t know. I’ve only had one experience with a ‘private’ piercing and it was thrust upon me on a fraternity basement dance floor. And it lasted like two seconds. Before I even knew what was happening, it was over. And my mind was forever pretzel’d.

Anyway, if you’re looking forward to more genital accessories like I am, follow BoDivas on Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest

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