This Generic Millenial Ad TOTES Gets It LOL BRB

“This Is a Generic Millennial Ad, created with And/Or studio, shows how easy it is to appeal to anyone born between 1980 and 2000. The good news? Thanks to social media, it’s easy to connect with this influential audience. The bad news? They hate spending money on things. (Except for maybe avocados.)”

This video from Dissolve, a stock footage company, pokes fun at advertisers who try way WAY too hard to appeal to “millennials” in their commercials.

Now it’s time to show how old I am with my grumpy old man rant…

The colorful smoke bombs – Where and how does one get these? Why? For raids? When did this phenomenon pop off?

The lck f vwls – How do you know a startup is fckd? They don’t use vowels.

A shopping cart – something that officially happened once to a friend of a friend you knew once and they can’t stop talking about it or doing it and you’re like “Hey, uh, there’s more to life than this.”

“Hoverboards” – An egregiously sacrilegious spit in the face of Back to the Future 2

Peace parties and flags – Usually held when not being outraged on Twitter or Periscoping a fight in the schoolyard

No sleep – I’m not gonna lie, the ability to not sleep is one I miss every waking moment.

High on life, not drugs or alcohol – When are we all going to stop lying to ourselves? This has to be the world’s biggest unspoken truth. Here’s a quick stat – 1% of people really REALLY actually enjoy (insert otherwise intolerable thing) while sober.

Gender – HARD PASS. I don’t even know what’s what anymore.

The Gays – So hot right now. I once made a joke in one of my stand-up comedy sets (2013-2014?) about how the gays would gain so much power, they’d become like the Nazis. I also referenced how the swastika used to be a Buddhist symbol of good luck. It went over poorly. I can’t emphasize enough that it was a joke. (BUT would like to point out there’s a gay mayor in Michigan who’s banned straight people….)

Hashtags – If you’re a brand and you’re trying to make a hashtag happen, you’re the worst.

And I should know. I’ve tried to make “coleslawful” a thing.

Phones / Apps – Here’s the deal. ANYONE aged 13 – 24 wants to be where all the other 13-24 year olds are. And they don’t want ANYONE else outside that age group to be there. As soon as anyone outside that age group finds out about that place, it immediately loses all value, respect, cache, etc. A marketer trying to be with the IN 13-24 demo is like a dog chasing its own tail.

For real, who are the people in this video supposed to be? Serious question: does anyone anywhere know anyone like the people in this video? If I had to guess, this is like Rich Kids of Instagram on steroids or what someone on acid must see when they go to Brooklyn during some obscure holiday.

I supported Ad Sales for four years for three different companies that published content targeted to men 18-34. I came up with well over 1,000 branded content concepts. Maybe 20-30% “sold through”. Of those executed, few ended up being what I envisioned. And it’s stunning to see how the whole process works. Me. A man. 18-34. Trying to convince women fresh out of college what men 18-34 want to see. “My boyfriend likes this, sooooooo…” No, you’re right. Let’s do your idea because you “get” your bf and his buddies.

The whole thing is a harsh reminder of who’s in power and who has authority over making these out-of-touch choices. The decision-makers are so far removed from what makes sense and what connects with audiences that it turns me into Jesus Quintana…

If you’re a company that wants to appeal to millennials. Hire content creators (plural) that have substantial followings of millennials on the platforms where millennials are and let them do whatever the hell they want with some organic shout-outs to your product and enticing deals. Where’s my check?

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