Why Every Giants Fan Should Definitely Freak Out About The Offense

eli manning giants cowboys 2017

eli manning giants cowboys 2017

It’s 24 hours after the New York Giants lost to the Dallas Cowboys 19-3 in Week 1 and my overreaction hasn’t settled down. Here’s why every Giants fan should freak the fug out.

Don’t tell me to calm down. I’m triggered. It’s only one week, Neal. No one wins the Super Bowl in Week 1. Yeah, well, there’s a stat making the rounds – 95% of teams who go 0-1 don’t win the Super Bowl. Maybe I wouldn’t put so much faith in that figure if the Giants had been competitive.

With the exception of a kneel-down to end the first half, every Giants offensive possession in the first half ended with a punt. Three of those five possessions were three and outs, putting an unthinkable amount of strain and pressure on the Giants defense.

If I’m on that Giants defense, I start to rattle some cages. Get in some faces, kick the tires, stoke the fires. Because that unit can’t possibly withstand another season of carrying the team to one-point wins.

Make no mistake, the season opener was one for the history books. To get some perspective on just how horrible and inauspicious the 2017 start is, I looked back at Big Blue’s season openers over the past 37 years. You might want to lie down for this….

Real quick, as a reminder, here are the mind-numbing numbers put up by the Giants offense against Dallas Sunday night:

  • 13 first downs on 10 drives (5 came on only scoring drive)
  • 233 total yards (198 passing – most of which compiled in garbage time, 35 rushing)
  • 1 turnover (really bad interception thrown by Eli)

When did I know the Giants had lost the game? When they opened the second half with a 15-play drive that ate up 9 minutes and 44 seconds off the clock and came away with only three points. How you don’t chuck the ball at Brandon Marshall three straight times is blindingly stupid.

Here’s how the offense’s 2017 opener stacked up against prior years…



Giants win 27-20 over the Eagles, managing only 11 first downs and 227 total yards. The defense sacked Randall Cunningham four times and picked him off three times. Giants go on to win Super Bowl XXV despite losing Phil Simms late in the regular season.


Giants win 27-20 over the Redskins, accumulating only 218 total yards. We got a fumble return for a touchdown and a blocked punt return for another score. The 10-6 Giants would miss the playoffs thanks to a 27-21 season finale loss to the Jets.


Eagles crush the Giants 24-10 as Phil Simms is sacked 6 times. The O only registered 14 first downs and 55 rushing yards. Fortunately, the Giants had rookie Lawrence Taylor and the Crunch Bunch, who spearheaded our first playoff berth in 18 years. Good GOD, the ’70s must’ve sucked.



On Monday Night Football, the Giants get trounced by the Lions 35-14. Eli logs a 53 QB rating, throwing for 163 yards on 33 attempts. 16 first downs, 197 total yards. 3 of 13 on third down. Big Blue almost had as many fourth down conversions. In Odell Beckham’s rookie year, the Giants win three of their last four to finish 6-10.


I got to witness this meltdown in person. The Giants were up on the Bills 17-0 in the second quarter before losing in overtime 23-20. Dave Brown was sacked 5 times, throwing for 169 yards. Dan Reeves was fired after that squad finished 6-10.


I was also at this season opener at Giants Stadium. On a night when the team retired Phil Simms’ #11 at halftime, the Cowboys blanked the Giants 35-0. Dave Brown mustered a 57.8 QB rating, tossing for 155 yards while the run game amassed 65 yards. That team would go 5-11.


Bears beat up the Giants 34-19, sacking Phil Simms 8 times and limiting the offense to 203 total yards. The strike-shortened season saw the Giants end up 6-9.


Bill Parcells’ first game as Giants head coach. The L.A. Rams won 16-6 as Giants QB Scott Brunner threw three picks. New York’s offense could only tally 13 first downs and 259 total yards. Big Blue went 3-12-1, but had a MONSTER draft in ’84 (Carl Banks, William Roberts, Jeff Hostetler, Gary Reasons, Lionel Manuel)



*Cue 30 for 30 music*

What if I told you the Giants offense, led by Kent Graham, accrued FOUR first downs (going 1 for 13 on third downs), 28 rushing yards on 25 attempts, and 91 passing yards on 24 tosses and the Giants won? Thanks to two defensive scores – a fumble return and an interception return – the Giants beat the Bucs 17-13. New York had a sliver of hope to make the playoffs at 7-6, but lost their last three to close out the season 7-9.

What has this history lesson taught us? Of the nine season openers in which the Giants offense severely underperformed, the team made the playoffs twice. Both the ’90 and ’81 rosters were bolstered by dominant defenses and that’s the only reason to keep watching the Giants this season.

Sure, Beckham will give us a few highlights. Yet, as far as hope goes, 100% of it rests on the defense dialing it up each and every week. The Dallas Cowboys don’t have a great defense. Yeah, Jaylon Smith and Sean Lee are one helluva linebacking duo. However, with all the “weapons” the Giants supposedly have, three points is preposterous. With the current offensive line, that’s the reality.

The 2017 Giants defense will have to go all 2000 Baltimore Ravens on everyone’s asses for the team to win the Super Bowl.

PS – Odell Beckham, Jr. is gonna get PAAAAAAAAAAID after this season. 

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