Sillicon Valley is Dead, Bring On the Jared Spin-Off ASAP

Silicon Valley's Donald "Jared" Dunn, played by actor Zach Woods

Silicon Valley’s Donald “Jared” Dunn, played by actor Zach Woods

Ding Dong, Silicon Valley is dead. After watching the Season 5 premiere, I feel confident enough to call it. Here’s why HBO should bring on Jared’s spin-off like rn.

I admit, I wasn’t the biggest fan of the show over its first four seasons, but I did enjoy the witty banter between Dinesh and Gilfoyle, the weird dynamic between Erlich Bachman and Jian-Yang, and the eccentric periphery characters that populate the nexus of Big Tech. Heading into season 5, things weren’t great, but they were good enough.

For a while, Erlich Bachman was must-watch television. Then T.J. Miller either got bored or pissed off everyone on-set and was essentially written off the show. Great way to sabbatical, very Bachman-esque but not the way to go. Not his swan song. Not his final bow. For all his hot air and ego, Bachman was still relatable and human and deserved better. I don’t put him in the same camp as someone like Russ Hanneman or most others in the Valley.

Pied Piper Hbo GIF by Silicon Valley - Find & Share on GIPHY

Gavin Belson gave us peak Silicon Valley demi-god. Season 4 pushed him into unchartered territory where he needed to find himself. Personally, his journey was too short. Instead of that self-discovery going in a great, new direction, it just brought him back to being the same ol’ Belson. Blah. Hoover is a wasted character. He’s a lackey with an emphasis on LACK. Dude lacks any kind of presence or potency. As soon as he comes on-screen, we know exactly what we’re getting. You could skip over his parts and not lose a beat.

Speaking of characters that are one-note / one-dimensional: Monica. I don’t even think I need to expound on this but for anyone on the fence (all one of you), she’s like the Ex Machina; there strictly to bail out Richard each episode.

How much do we hate Richard? Is anyone really rooting for this guy anymore? This is a sausage-getting-made situation. I have no interest in seeing the slaughter, just feed me the finished product with some Aunt Jemima syrup.

Everyone’s got a fight. Everyone’s got a struggle. Everyone’s dealing with something. Not all stories need to be told. I’m uninteresting as fuck. No one’s making my biopic. Richard’s quest to be Steve Jobs is nauseating. Newsflash: Jobs has been widely portrayed as a genius but also an asshole. Fassbender plays Jobs and we applaud. Kutcher does and we look away.

Ashton Kutcher Images GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Silicon Valley is Entourage for Techies. I have friends that fucking love Entourage. I watched the first season and part of Season 2 then I was like, “uh, this is the same shit over and over again. I’m out’. Like, what are we watching for? Every episode, the guys get into a jam that could RUIN EVERYTHING and then at the last minute, EX MACHINA, BITCHES! Not only is everything kosher due to some crazy, external previously unseen element, now everything is FUCKING GREAT!11!1! Better than ever! Be honest, we’re only watching for the bewbz and secks.

But, secretly… subconsciously, the one aspect of Silicon Valley that kept me watching for four seasons… was Jared all along?

Donald “Jared” Dunn started off as this unassuming pushover who was the voice of caution and prudence. The persona seemed like a continuance of or slight improvement on Zach Woods’s character on The Office, Gabe.

Yet, episode by episode, we peeled back another layer of Jared’s onion and hot damn there are a lot of grimy, slimy, gruesome, and unexpected layers. Jared’s the most developed, most defined, most fleshed out character on the show and everyone is chomping at the bit for more. Prove it? Okay…

Washington Post: In praise of ‘Silicon Valley’s’ Jared Dunn, one of TV’s best men

Vanity Fair: Silicon Valley’s Jared Dunn: The Sweetest, Darkest, and Funniest Character on TV

The Ringer: An Exploration of Jared Dunn’s Bizarre Childhood

Thrillist: We figured out Jared’s insane backstory on Silicon Valley

Buzzfeed: 11 Reasons Everyone Loves Jared Dunn From “Silicon Valley”

And yet, he still remains so goddamn mysterious. He’s the one character that’s ripe for a spin-off.

Pied Piper Hbo GIF by Silicon Valley - Find & Share on GIPHY

What would the spin-off be? Would Silicon Valley show creator Mike Judge take the Better Call Saul route? Go into Jared’s past to show the how and the why? Does the show even need Mike Judge (*GASP*) considering Woods improvised most of Jared’s backstory? Maybe there would be competing timelines a la Westworld or Lost?

Season 5 Comedy GIF by Silicon Valley - Find & Share on GIPHY

Whatever it ends up being, it will be significantly better than what I saw from Silicon Valley’s Season 5 premiere. Granted, I was on Valerian Root but my enthusiasm for the show booked a flight to Tibet about halfway through. All hail Jared. Let’s get goofy.

%d bloggers like this: