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I’m Flabbergasted by How Dumb The Giants Are and Fascinated by Their Epic Ineptitude


The New York Giants lost to the Atlanta Falcons 23-20 in Week 7 via sheer stupidity.

There’s no other way to say this. The Giants are dumb. Their head coach is dumb for calling stupid plays at the 1-yard line down 10-3 and not kicking a field goal. The head coach is dumb to go for two points when they didn’t need to down 20-12. Newsflash, idiot you kick the extra point and you don’t need a two-point conversion to tie. Yes, I understand you go for the win on the road but how about we don’t make it extra hard on ourselves huh? The quarterback is dumb for trying to QB sneak from the 1 on consecutive downs at the 1-yard-line with the clock running and no timeouts and essentially burning any and all useful time on the clock.

The front office is dumb for signing Patrick Omameh and Jonathan Stewart. They’re dumb for giving Ereck Flowers yet another chance when the dude full on confessed he had mentally checked out. They’re dumb for signing Nate Solder, the most overpaid left tackle in the biz. They’re dumb for letting DRC and Brett Jones go. They’re dumb for hiring Pat Shurmur. They’re dumb for hiring James Bettcher. IDIOTS! IDIOTS! SAVAGES! IDIOTS!

This whole organization is hands down the dumbest in the league. How can you tell if your franchise is dumb? Well, here’s how: It’s when the biggest story heading into your game is about your star receiver’s distaste for water. Jeeeeeeesus Christ.

At this point, you’re 1-6. The 2015 Chiefs started 1-5 and made the playoffs with a 11-5. You’re puffing Geoffrey and stroking the furry walls if you think this stupid, dumb, moronic, idiotic excuse of a team wins a second game.

You wanted Neal Grinch? You got ’em. In the 30+ years I’ve watched this team, I’ve never stopped watching the Giants during a season. That’s including the trainwreck of 2017 and most of the 90s. This might be the year. This could be the year. I’m oh so close to deleting Giants games from my 2018 calendar and going outside and getting some fresh air.

And while we’re at it, now that Justin Herbert is staying for his senior season at Oregon, I might just take a hard pass on 2019 and come back ready and fresh-faced for 2020. Honest to Joseph Smith, the only thing that keeps me glued to this screwy nightmare of a disaster is that beautiful, majestic being Saquon Barkley.

This team sucks out loud. My god. You think the Giants are dumb, the media is dumber. Feed Saquon Barkley? Yeah, sure. Let’s force the ball down his throat a thousand times and overuse him and ruin a perfect stud because no one else decided to try. I know I just professed my unremitting, relentless love to him but I also don’t want to accidentally crush him from petting him too hard like Lenny in Of Mice and Men. YOU HAVE 4 OTHER WEAPONS! FIGURE IT OUT!

You know those rumors that Avril Lavigne actually died and there’s some other impersonator who took her spot to keep up appearances? They said the same thing about Tom Brady. How he died in 9/11 and some alien life force (A.L.F.) took on his shape and likeness. Real sick shit. Welp, I’m for sure convinced Eli Manning perished after the second Super Bowl win and we’ve been given this invasion of the body snatcher Eli who CAN’T SEE WIDE OPEN RECEIVERS IN THE END ZONE! There’s no other explanation.

If I have to hear Jason Witten OR ANY OTHER FORMER COWBOY say “this Giants defense just needs a stop” and “the Giants are still in this thing” one more time, I’m taking the next Malaysian Airlines flight directly into the Bermuda Triangle.

Blow it up. Blow it up. Blow. It. Up. Tear it down. Ship ’em out. Hasta luego, Auf Wiedersehen, sayonara. GTFO.

AND WE HAVE 9 MORE GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAP.

 

 

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