The Giants got shutout in their Week 15 loss to the Titans, ending their magical run to the postseason. Here are my thicc thots.

Hand up, I did a bad thing. I made a boo boo. I watched the Jets nearly upset the Texans on Saturday night and had to hear about how the Giants messed up by taking Saquon Barkley instead of Sam Darnold. Maybe I’m not watching the Jets games as closely as I should be but I haven’t been blown away by DarNO. So I took out one shiny Twitter bullet and loaded it into my shiny Twitter gun and fired off one shiny tweet about how Saquon is not only the best RB in the league, he’s the best RB to ever play the game and possibly the best player ever.

I was about 4 beers deep when I wrote that during the Broncos-Browns game. 4 beers when you’re a new dad is like a Molotov cocktail of all the drugs. Am I using my intoxication as an excuse? No. I still vehemently stand by my remark. I just wish I waited ’til after we won the super bowl this year to tweet it. Instead, my tweet squarely placed the jinx on Saquon’s quads. And for that I apologize. Saquon is still a legend…

I would also like to place the blame on Adam Schefter or Ian Rapoport or whatever bullshit ‘insider’ for “breaking” the “news” that his sources say that Eli manning will be back in 2019. That he played himself… back into returning. That, my friends, is just as vexing a jinx as mine. They carry the same weight.

As always, a healthy helping of blame goes to the men in black and white. Fuck. The. Refs.

And, if we’re really in the Trust Tree, us Giants fans let the team down with a no-show at the stadium…

So it was only fitting the Giants got shut out at home for the first time since that 2013 loss to the Seahawks.

Let me be the first to give the Giants credit. This is a 1-7 team that I officially wrote off and done-chained like 3-4 times. First write off came after the week 2 loss to the cowboys. Second one came after the Eagles loss at home on October 11th. Third was after the falcons loss on October 22nd. I had my finger on the “tank” button after the second Eagles loss but got some fresh air and rubbed some rosary beads.

Yes, in retrospect, it was diabolically insane to believe in a team whose wins came against the self-destructive Texans before they became juggernauts, and a slew of backup QBs. But this is the NFL. Steelers lose to the Raiders then beat the Pats. Dolphins beat the Pats and lose to the Vikings. Seahawks beat the Vikings and lose to the Niners. I mean. If that can happen in 2 weeks, the 5-8 giants could make the playoffs.

And then Odell’s mysterious thigh bruise sidelined him for a second week. Beckham claimed he spends boatloads of quiche on his body. There has to be some kind of black market elixir that he can buy in a back alley that would accelerate the genetic mutation that expedites healing power. Put him in that chamber that Deadpool went in before becoming full blown Deadpool.

Meanwhile the Eagles linebacker who leg whipped the piss out of Odell’s leg was fined $20k his dirty deed. Yet, no flag. That flag would’ve been 15 yards and would’ve set up the Spanish Rose Aldrick Rosas for a game-tying FG.

For all the bad football the Giants played, they were like 2-3 plays away from having a winning record. Multiple missed or blown calls in that second Eagles game. The missed call in the Panthers game.

Even after getting steamrolled by Derrick Henry for 30 minutes, the giants put together a solid drive to kick off the second half. That drive ate up 7+ minutes. It featured a healthy mix of everyone with Evan Engram looking like the explosive playmaker we thought we drafted. And then Eli throws the pick. Titans score. Eli fumbles. Titans score. Game over.

With Odell out, the rest of the WR corps didn’t step up. Sterling Shepard had a couple big dropped passes. Coleman had one. Fowler had one (though he had a sweet snatch on the sideline later) Barkley had one. Who knows how the game turns out if the drops aren’t drops.

With Odell out, you had to figure the Titans would stack the shit out of the box. And they did. And they suffocated any and all Big Blue rush attempts. You’d think that would open up the passing game. One wonders what would happen if it weren’t raining buckets all damn day.

I’m still flummoxed by how Pat Shurmur uses Saquon. That swing pattern and that super shallow flat pattern are repug. It’s clear as day which routes he should run: wheel, angle (Texas?), ins/outs. Let him make a move BEFORE he gets the ball and create even more space before he create more space.

I know Bruce Arians (vaunted defensive mind…) criticized the Giants defense all day and they deserved a lot of it. NO ONE wanted to tackle a behemoth in the cold, hard rain. But kudos to a unit that was without Landon Collins and kept the game within a score for most of the contest.

It was a cold, grey day that was about as depressing and despondent as it can get. Despite that performance, Shumur dispenses this gem:

I mean, who are we kidding here? The guy doesn’t convert in the red zone, turns the ball over in the red zone, underthrows sure touchdowns, yet one beautiful deep pass per game prevents us from turning the page. G. T. F. O. H.

Merry Christmas? Bah humbug, brah.