corey coleman voodoo doll

New York Giants wide receivers are dropping like flies and I firmly believe we have ourselves an OBJ Curse.

First, Darius Slayton tweaks his hammy then Sterling Shepard fractures his thumb on Day 1 then Corey Coleman tore his ACL and is out for the season.

I hate myself for suggesting this but is this the OBJ Curse? Are we seeing the NFL equivalent of the Curse of the Bambino? Is this on par with the Red Sox trading Babe Ruth to the Yankees? Are the Giants gonna endure a 85-year drought?

It’s been 100 years since Ruth got dealt. Does that mean anything? They say certain things occur in cycles (fashion, trends, generational superstars), do debilitating curses come back every century?

I wasn’t shocked when the Giants traded Odell. I was relieved. But with this recent string of tragedies, I’m convinced it was the wrong move. We’ve poked the bear. We’ve triggered something sinister.

OBJ has connections. He’s a big-time player with big-time friends doing big-time things. I have no doubt in my mind that he’s got a voodoo guy and gave that dude or dudette a ticket to ride. Just flicked on the green light and free license to do whatever to the Giants and Voodoo dude(tte) took it upon him/herself to tear the Giants WR corps to shreds.

Corey Coleman is for sure done with football. He was on the brink of winning the Comeback Player of the Year. I had irrationally high hopes for his return. Thought he was going to be the deep threat the Giants needed after Beckham’s departure. He was gonna make the Browns, Bills, and… Pats? … fans regret ever letting him go.

Everyone sneaky low-key loves Darius Slayton. Calling him the underrated diamond in the rough. A secret weapon. He’s gonna be hamstrung by a hamstring. I’m not saying he’s the next OBJ but the groundswell support for this guy was hard to ignore.

Sterling Shepard was getting too much positive pub. I should’ve seen it coming. We jinxed the piss out of him. Getting all kinds of love from all kinds of Giants fans. Starting to get some recognition from mainstream media. Profiled on ESPN. Shep dished his secrets to exceptional route-running and the Football Gods struck thee down.

If you’re Golden Tate, do you become Bubble Boy? Do you wrap yourself in bubble wrap? Do you hire a fleet of elite bodyguards and security personnel to surround you at all times? Do you buy the Pope-Mobile? My man’s ON WATCH.

Who do we have left? Reggie White’s kid (who I’m sure is a spy for the Eagles), four guys I’m not familiar with then Cody Latimer, Bennie Fowler, and Russell Shepard.

Latimer missed significant time with an injury last season and might be on the bubble to make the team. Fowler and Shepard each gave us at least 1 memorable play from last season but are they consistent enough to produce? Probs not.

This is 2017 all over again. We’re gonna start the season with 4-TE sets: Engram, Ellison, Simonson, and Conrad running flats, slants, hitches, and curls all the live long day. Really give Eli the worst possible send-off imaginable.

You know how in baseball when the team runs out of relievers, they put a position player on the bump to close out the game? We’re gonna have DBs just trying to get open, running backyard ball or flag football patterns, throwing up their hand on every play and calling for the ball even when blanketed.

I’m officially obliterating the panic button, which is pointless, because the panic button has been broken for about 5 or 6 years now.

KELVIN BENJAMIN, COME ON DOWN!