Giants Season Dies with Dumb Loss to Dumb Lions

The New York Giants lost to the Detroit Lions, 31-26, in Week 8 of NFL action. Here are my useless, pointless thoughts that mean nothing because we’re all gonna die alone and life doesn’t matter.

The season’s over. I’m angry writing this but given some time, it’s a relief. I don’t have to worry about Sundays anymore. Maybe go outside, go to the park, enjoy nature, read a book. Just like Pat Shurmur. He doesn’t have to worry. He’s Alfred E. Neuman right now. What? Me Worry? About My Job?

Shurmur knows Gettleman won’t fire him. Not with Daniel Jones in such a delicate state. Like a newborn fawn, YOU CAN’T JUST ABANDON A NEWBORN FAWN, YOU PHUCKS! And that’s why he’s acting like such a smarmy f*ck. My cup of contempt done runneth over.

Nate Solder blows. His man got the hit on Jones that caused the fumble for Detroit’s first score, which OF COURSE had to be Ex-Giant Devon Kennard.

And then on the flea flicker that went for a big gain and first down to Golden Tate, Solder’s called for tackling his guy. Rumors swirl about the Giants trading him to the Browns and I was against it at first because it’s like we need SOMEBODY to play left tackle but now it’s like who gives a good goddman. If the Browns are that dumb, so be it.

Daniel Jones was 28/41 for 322 and 4 touchdowns. Can’t really complain too much about his play. Would’ve liked if he pulled the trigger a little faster on some throws, give the receiver a chance to make a move before defenders are on him. DJ also had two more fumbles, losing one. And he missed Darius Slayton on the two point conversion. I know he’s just a rookie but that doesn’t make it any easier to swallow. I also have a narrow esophagus FYI.

“Daniel Jones’ lost fumble in the first quarter was the 19th giveaway for the Giants this season (19 giveaways in 2018).

Daniel Jones leads the NFL in giveaways (12) since he took over as the Giants starting QB in Week 3.”

Big Play Darius Slayton had 2 big catches for touchdowns…

Slayton should’ve benefitted from a defensive pass interference in the end zone. He was also wide open on the 2-point conversion that Jones beefed. And he dropped a sure first down. AND he just couldn’t stop himself from taking the ball out of the end zone on multiple kickoffs, costing us prime real estate.

Saquon Barkley, as majestic as he is toting the rock, can’t pass protect worth a GOT-damn. Also, if he keeps his feet on this completion, it’s 6. Yes, we eventually scored but that’s minutes off the clock we so desperately needed down the stretch. Oh, way to nitpick, Neal. Yeah, that’s what I do best. Gotta play to my strengths.

‘Quads had 19 carries for 64 yards and that stat line is not going to result in many Ws. That high ankle sprain is gonna haunt him. Still, he had 8 catches for 79 yards and a touch.

“Saquon Barkley has become the 6th player since 1950 to reach 2,500+ scrimmage yards in 21 or fewer games.”

Evan Engram disappeared for long stretches, which is insane considering the Lions secondary is thoroughly banged up at the safety position. 7 targets, 4 grabs for 40 yards and the TD. Decent numbers for an average TE. Evan Engram is not supposed to be average. AND ON NATIONAL TIGHT ENDS DAY NO LESS!!!

IF ROSAS HITS THE EXTRA POINT, we probably get six points from these two 4th quarter drives:

  1. 11 plays, 52 yards = turnover on downs
  2. Get the ball at Detroit’s 38, 6 plays, 24 yards = turnover on downs.

Just so many wasted opportunities on offense. 24 first downs and you lose?

Our defense finally looked good defending the run allowing only 2.4 yards per attempt, but we were white hot refuse defending the pass allowing 8.8 yards per chuck. Danny Amendola gashed us more than Michal Myers vs. Jason Voorhees in a stab-off. We’ve permitted more 20+ yard completions than anyone ever. 3rd and long is essentially a gimme for opposing offenses.

Jabrill Peppers generally smells, but had a nice forced fumble. He was forever duped on that flea flicker. But I guess kudos to him for calling a players only meeting on Monday.

Antoine Bethea‘s the worst despite a much-needed fumble recovery. When your safeties consistently lead your team in tackles and they stink at tackling, that’s a recipe for a high draft pick.

DeAndre Baker couldn’t set the boundary and contain. Hate to see him in charge should a virus break out. Kenny Golladay was somehow able to repeatedly fight off Baker’s swipes, like a strong, independent woman on Tinder. I know that doesn’t make sense. I’m upset.

Janoris Jenkins had a pick. Probably his last in a Giants uniform. I honestly think his interceptions are the quarterback straight up forgetting that he still plays.

“Janoris Jenkins’ INT in the first quarter was his 4th INT of the season (T-career high).”

Grant Haley is a spectacular tackler (spectackler) who’s awesome against the run, but here’s the kicker, he’s a slot corner who can’t cover opposing receivers. Sure, he led the team in tackles and had a sack but does that make up for seeing him trailing a guy with the ball a dozen times a game?

Dalvin Tomlinson, Lorenzo Carter, and Markus Golden all had sacks.

“The Giants have 2.0+ sacks in seven consecutive games for the first time since 2016.”

This is officially one of the worst defenses in NFL history. Epically bad. GET THE FUUUUUG OFF THE FIELD ON THIRD DOWN, GUYS!!!

Lions would eventually go 8 for 14 on third downs.

On an unrelated note, but I hate Carson Wentz‘s face.

The refs done f’d us again and again and again. The running into the punter penalty on David Mayo was laugh out loud funny and resulted in points for the Lions. Not calling the defensive pass interference on the throw to Darius Slayton in the 4th saved the Lions points. It’s the little things that eat away at wins.

And who’s to blame for this loss? Have I mentioned Aldrick mother trucking Rosas? If he doesn’t miss the extra point, we’re tied 14-14, we don’t go for two down 24-19 in the third quarter (a mistake). In this better, brighter universe, it’s 24-21. We kick a field goal down 31-21 instead of going for it on 4th down to make it 31-24. We score a touchdown to tie it up. Then “Mr. Automatic” decided to get cute on the onside kick and doesn’t even give our team a chance to recover.

Of course, now that I’ve officially Cuncel’d, watch them go 8-8 and miss the playoffs by a game on some soul-obliterating tiebreaker. Hi, my name is Neal and I’m addicted to bad football.

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