Nick Foles Doesn’t Fit (Giggity) on The Giants and History’s On My Side

Dec 23, 2018; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Nick Foles (9) runs off the field after win against the Houston Texans at Lincoln Financial Field. Mandatory Credit: Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

Good Guy Chris Long recently said Nick Foles doesn’t fit on the Giants. And as much as it pains me to agree with an Ew-gull on anything, the Walter Payton Man of the Year is correct.

The proof is in my homemade handmade pudding (which may or may not be synonymous with the clam chowder in ‘Fight Club’): Players that jump from one team to another team in the same division never pan out.

But Neal, didn’t you once advocate for the Mets to acquire Pat Burrell? Yes, but Pat the Bat is the exception, not the rule. My dude was a certified Mets Killer and an elite cocksman. Put him in a Mets uni and he no longer murders the Mets from the outside. In fact, the ladies man might even gets the Mets into a couple swingers clubs where they can relax, see the ball, hit the ball.

Burrell aside, I am vehemently against intra-division trades or acquisitions. Sure, former Redskin Antonio Pierce turned out alright for the Giants. Tom Glavine gave the Mets a good year before imploding and destroying the Mets playoff chances. But, let’s be honest you taint the legacy of the player on both ends. I still hold a grudge against Mark Bavaro and Steve Smith.

Look at recent history, we took on ex-Eagle and Giant killer Connor Barwin and he did approximately jack squat in red, white, and blue except make me question the sanity of the front office.

We signed ex-Eagles LB Carlos Emmons (another Giant killer) and he promptly gave us three of the worst seasons of his career.

How about the draft day swap in 1998? Iggles trade a 3rd-round pick to the Giants (WR Brian Alford — pronounced ‘Ow-ford’? Uh, okay) for a 3rd-round pick (CB/KR Allen Rossum) and 4th-round pick (CB Clarence Love). Owford caught 2 balls on 11 targets in his 2-year career. Rossum went on to become a Pro Bowl special teamer and Clarence Love should’ve been a p0rn star.

Neal, who cares? People forget the Giants were hard-pressed for a kick returner heading into the 1998 season, so they sent perennial All-American ‘Superstars’ winner Jason Sehorn back to field kicks. What happened?

Pardon me while I burst into flames.

In a preseason contest against the Jest (not sic), Sehorn fields a kickoff and promptly tears a couple ligaments in his knee. Giants went 8-8, finished 3rd in the NFC East, and missed out on the playoffs by 1 game to Jake the Snake‘s 9-7 Arizona Cardinals.

If the Giants kept their pick, they would’ve selected returner extraordinaire Allen Rossum and Sehorn would’ve remained safely and handsomely on the sideline. You’re gonna sit there with that smug look on your mug and tell me the Giants wouldn’t have won 1-2 more games with Sehorn in the lineup and Rossum returning kicks?

Had the Giants gone 9-7 or 10-6, they would either win the tiebreaker over the Cards or lose tiebreaker to Dallas and secure the #6 seed as a Wild Card. Who knows maybe 3 times is a charm and they do what the Cards did and beat the Cowboys in Dallas. Sure, we got smoked by the Falcons in the regular season but now you’ve got them clocked. You’ve got the book on ’em.

Alls I’m saying is it’s an NFC Champsionship appearance for the G-Men and 1 Gary Anderson miss away from going to the Super Bowl to take down John Elway (who can’t shake Super Bowl XX1 flashbacks).

Long-time Giants corner Phillippi Sparks (1992-1999) goes to the Cowboys for the 2000 season, snags 5 picks and registers 10 passes defended. Giants go to the Super Bowl and get annihilated. If Sparks stays with the Giants, they win. Instead, we went with KFC Founder Dave Thomas whose nickname should’ve been Crispy because my mans got fried on a frequent basis.

4/26/09 – Traded a third round draft choice (The ‘Next Plaxico Burress‘ WR Ramses Barden) to NY Giants for a 3rd round draft choice (91st, later traded to Seahawks) and a 5th round draft choice (164th). That pick was later traded to the Saints who selected Pro Bowl All-Pro Super Bowl champion punter Thomas Morstead.

Who cares? I do.

Had the Giants held onto that pick, they could’ve nabbed Thomas Morstead and we would’ve never had the Second Miracle at the Meadowlands in 2010 (footage unavailable) because Matt Dodge wouldn’t be a Giant. Giants would’ve won the NFC East with an 11-5 record and secured the #2 seed in the NFC because they’d already beaten the 11-5 Bears. And thennn…

Packers still beat the Bears in Chicago (but this time in the Wild Card round). They still beat the Falcons in Atlanta in the Divisional Round.

Seahawks still shock the Saints then face the Giants in East Rutherford. Giants somehow bottle up this…

…and host the Packers in the NFC Championship. Maybe Aa-Rod beats the Giants, maybe he makes mistakes against the #1 defense in the league in turnovers? Giants face the Steelers in the Super Bowl and win.

TL;DR – If the Giants didn’t make trades with the Eagles or let Giants go play for division rvials, they’d have 3 more Super Bowl titles. DO NOT TRADE FOR OR SIGN NICK FOLES. I don’t care how well-endowed he is. Keep that long dong out of the swamp.