Workaholics: How The Greatest Bro Show Of The Past Decade Should Have Ended

workaholics blake anders adam series finale

Workaholics Season 5 Promo with Blake, Anders, and Adam. Image via Comedy Central.

The series finale of Workaholics has come and gone, yet still lingers on. Here’s how the show should’ve wrapped things up.

After watching the series finale of Workaholics, I was bummed. I’d just witnessed the end of an era, but there was something else hanging in the air: Lack of closure.

Other than the departing crane shot flying away from Adam, Ders, and Blake on the roof, viewers were left wanting more. That’s a good thing, Neal.

Yeah, in one way, that is a good thing. When you’ve got another season to play with. Or a movie release in the future. This was it. This was the final stamp on an incredible seven season run. You’re gonna leave the audience with another failed get rich quick scheme?

Who cares what you think about it, poser! You’re so loose butthole right now.

Yeah, okay. Maybe. Maybe we’re overreacting to one episode in what was one of the better seasons in the show’s history. Not every great show had an appropriate ending.

Look at Seinfeld. The immediate knee jerk reaction for that program’s finale put rage on center stage. Yet, years later, it’s widely considered one of the best TV finales ever, but also one of the worst. Same goes for the Friends and Lost series finales.

The Lost series finale made me hate myself, television, J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof for years. Still kinda do. I have problems with letting go. You best believe that any time a new show promo stated, “From the creators of Lost”, I’m not watching it.

I understand it’s rare to pull off a finale that fits. Breaking Bad, Mad Men, and The Sopranos all pulled it off. But, they’re dramas. When’s the last time a comedy series had a memorable curtain closer? Cheers? Frasier?

What did you expect from a goofy show about bros, Neal?

Yeah, I know. Ridiculous of me to expect more. Did the audience want more? Probably not. How often have we seen movies and TV shows force their characters into a less fun version of themselves? Watered down, cleaned up, and wholly devoid of the characteristics we loved. Isn’t that the moral of most stories? We need to grow up, move on, and stop having fun?

The series finale of Workaholics defied those expectations. In a way, it’s a win for Ders, Adam, and Blake. They unfurled a giant middle finger to conformity.

Yet, the final episode definitely left a ton of storylines blowin’ in the wind. Here’s how the show should’ve ended.

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Adam and Alice (Or A Reasonable Facsimile) Hook Up

How did this not happen? In real life, I get how this doesn’t come to fruition. But, on this show, with the amount of time and effort poured into Adam coming on to Alice as strong as he did for as long as he did and nothing to show for it? Blue balls, y’all.

Uh, what about the “Weed the People” (Season 7, Episode 2), Neal?

If you think that little fake fling between Adam and Alice was fulfilling, you need to live life like Michelle Pfief and walk along the razor’s edge, Sister Sledge.

Over the years, the feeling was that sooner or later, Alice was going to crack and cave in to Adam’s advances. After all, Adam’s game had hints of actual, real live romance.

Even if Alice holds strong and resists, how fitting would it be for a woman eerily similar to Alice fancies Adam? That could be a whole season’s worth of full-blown fireworks.

Blake and Jillian Hook Up, Help Each Other Grow

Jillian put out the vibes and it looked like Blake was into it. We’re just supposed to believe all those feels vanished?

TVTropes summed up their relationship fairly well.

“(Relation)Ship Tease: Blake and Jillian are a very weird example of this. Several episodes imply that they have crushes on each other, and the episode “Hungry Like The Wolfdog” features some very non-traditional Will They or Won’t They?, but just as many episodes reveal that they actually make a terrible couple, with Jillian suddenly becoming a gender-flipped Bastard Boyfriend to the Extreme Doormat Blake.”

Both Jillian and Blake are, as TVTropes puts it, “adorkable“. They both love cats. Though, we saw what happened when they agreed to parent a kitty in “Save The Cat“, the magnetism is there.

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If the writers decided to push this storyline further, I could see Jillian opening up Blake’s world. There would be the arc of Blake being scared of Jillian’s intensity, but then succumbing to it. Maybe a training montage?

Ders and Adam tease at first, but then notice Blake’s a new man. They hate the new Blake, but come around when he helps them with women.

Ders Saying Adios To The ‘Vo

That car was running on fumes for so frickin’ long that it’s a miracle of modern science that it didn’t disintegrate. Would’ve been nice to see either:

  • A) Ders Gets a Complimentary “Pimp My Ride”
  • B) Ders Sells The ‘Vo For a Comically Low Price Only To See It Get Pimped By A Kid Who Is Everything Ders Wants To Be

The ‘Vo was just as much a character as anyone else on the show and deserved a proper send-off. How we didn’t get a magical montage of all the majestic moments in, on, and around that vehicle is Luda, Cris.

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Ders Actually Pursues Politics, Gets Scandal’d

Was it that far of a stretch for Ders to actually get into politics? If not real politics, couldn’t we see him use politics to his favor professionally?

I know that we all don’t become what we wish for. I’m not quarterback of the New York Giants. But, dang, he becomes an announcer for swim meets? Don’t get it twisted, that scene was hilarious. But, not even a sliver of hope for happiness?

Trust and believe me when I say I get the irony. On the surface, Ders was the most put-together of the crew. If we’re handing out superlatives, he’s Most Likely To Succeed. So, to see him diminished to calling swim meets must be mega-yummy for Ders haters, but ADAMantly sad for the rest of us.

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The message here is messed up. Workaholics and It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia have given viewers lovable characters, no matter how low they sink. Each show puts their characters through the ringer for our amusement and to gain our sympathy / empathy. Both shows are thoroughly anti-happy ending. Do the creators and producers really hate the characters they’ve created? Are the characters emblematic of the people they despise?

Understandably, it’s just not fitting for these series to send their characters off into the sunset on a wave of success. But, we couldn’t toss ’em a twinge of hope? That would keep the neurons firing.

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Blake Finally Catches A Break

Had the “Termidate” episode with Nina Dobrev never aired, I’d say that the end of Blake’s arc needed to face upwards the most. But, maybe that was the episode’s purpose. To show that Blake needed to be put in his place. Did the humbling need to be as extensive as it was? Tough call.

To me, Blake wifing up Jillian – or more appropriately Jillian hubbying… hubbing up Blake – would be the break Blake needed to blossom. The series finale gave Blake his due, but also served as a scathing commentary on fandom.

Do fans really only like Blake because of his hair? If that’s the case, it should’ve been addressed way earlier in the series and we should’ve seen Blake turn heel for a season.

Alice Murphy’s Anger Becomes Profitable Thanks 2 B-Rad

Alice brought the malice. That’s fur sure. The cliche move here would be to have her become a dominatrix. In the “Weed The People” episode, how did Alice not get sucked into the dom battle between Ders and Karl?

Of course, that’s just a typical straight dude’s view. Oh, Alice is mean to men, so let’s hand her a leather outfit and a whip.

One thing’s fur sure: Alice couldn’t possibly survive at TelAmeriCorp. Her misery had become insurmountable. There had to be a side hustle in the works. An escape plan. Even if she drowned herself in booze or whatever other vice, one felt Alice could channel her sorrows into something constructive.

Enter B-Rad. What the hell happened to Brad? Alice’s brother? He’s an aspiring author who loves to party. I’m certain he’s got some killer ideas in that bean of his. Maybe he’s ditched book and started his own awesome YouTube channel. He invites Alice on as a guest and she blows up.

Seeing Alice slip past the point of no return is brutal.

Jillian Belk Almost Becomes Alice Murphy

Over the course of the series, we learned that Alice brought Jillian into the fold at TAC and that Alice was Jillian’s unofficial mentor. Jillian’s desire to move up the ladder with Alice wasn’t always so clear. We caught a glimpse of Jillian in charge and it didn’t turn out well. Was that enough to deter Jillian?

Once Alice gains popularity via B-rad’s YouTube channel, she joyfully kisses TAC goodbye. Jillian steps up yet again and, this time, seizes control of the office. She surprises the staff by implementing a different, more effective, management style. Even Blake, Ders, and Adam eventually come around after a brief period of defiance.

However, the pressure from TAC’s higher-ups would eventually make Jillian crack, just as they had Alice. Maybe Blake is Jillian’s saving grace?

Karl Hevacheck Outclasses Ders

Ders has been sticking it to Karl, calling him “brown water trash” – among other put-downs – for the entirety of the show. We caught a peek of Karl’s potential in the “Weed The People” episode, but with pot’s legalization spreading like wildfire, Karl’s due for a major lifestyle upgrade.

There have been so many opportunities for Karl to climb out of his proverbial dumpster. Repeatedly, Karl’s ascent to respectable means got clipped. The dom battle with Ders was the culmination and climax of years of quick cut-downs, snips and snipes. With Ders crashing back down to Earth in the series finale, where was Karl to dance on his grave?

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Getting outclassed by Karl would be the catalyst for Ders’ comeback. A wake-up call for Ders to transform or pivot. Karl gets the upper hand, assumes a position of power, and doo-doos all over Ders. Karl’s dispensary brings on Ders after he gets fired from TAC and puts him on the lowest rung of the corporate ladder.

Montez Walker Runs a Cuckold Site

I’ll be honest. I don’t know what to do with Montez. There was the threat of a divorce that ultimately got worked out. Maybe he starts his own line of cuckold videos for a big time porn site?

What is Bill’s Dill?

Bill appeared in 36 episodes, with his first coming in “The Strike” (May 2011) and the last in “Bianca Toro” (March 2017). He got his moment in the sun with “Bill & Tez’s Sexcellent Sexventure“, but that was squashed to all hell in the final act. Devastating climax. Literally. There’s no coming back from that. Granted, Bill’s done enough weird sh*t that almost no one should ever return from, but that one had to be the final nail in the coffin. Or was it?

The writers kept insinuating there was more to Bill, but we never really got to see it. Most people have their personal life and their work face. We snatched little peeks into who Bill might really be outside the cubicle, but it felt like there was an entire Dark Web of perversion or subversion that the audience missed out on.

Maybe for the best? Not sure we could really handle what was going on behind the curtain. But, damn, it would’ve given me closure. Like, should I call the cops? Or should I sign a waiver?

Adam, Ders, and Blake were always looking to take things to the next level. Maybe Bill held the key. Maybe Bill finally recruits Montez into his madness and the guys decide to partake as a joke, only to find out sh*t’s too real?

The Guys Meet Their Match In “Broad City”

I have no goddam idea how there wasn’t at least one cross-over episode per season.

Other than Alice, Jillian and Montez’s wife Colleen, there weren’t many women to go toe-to-toe with the guys. Ya know, match wits. Offer something attractive other than looks. It seemed almost every woman who crossed the guys’ path was hot and not much else. One-dimensional, interchangeable, forgettable, dispensable.

The lack of depth in female characters (again, barring Jillian, Alice, and Colleen) could be because only 11 episodes (of 86) had credits from female writers.

I’d think most Workaholics fans would want to see who these dudes ultimately end up with.

  • Does Adam find his own Alice?
  • Does Ders get serious with his fantasy: a fellow Norwegian swimmer? Or does find himself falling for the complete opposite, a short Argentinian who’s afraid of water?
  • If Blake can’t get trill with Jillian, can he click with a rad chick? Maybe she’s got a giant clitoris and a shaved head?

That’s how these guys go their separate ways, right? They each find women that rival (or threaten depending on your stance) the friendships they have with each other. The Broad City ladies could set the wheels in motion. Not saying, any of the guys would end up with either Abby or Eliza, but …

Bring Back (Or Callback) Guest Stars

Looking at the below list of guest stars, you have to feel like the show whiffed on an opportunity to bring them back in one way or another. Sure, Craig Kilborn is a solid choice to play the C-level Marketing Officer, but even a brief visual slideshow of these personalities would’ve struck a chord.

  • Marc Summers
  • Rebel Wilson
  • Chris D’Elia
  • Laura Kightlinger
  • Chris Parnell
  • Tim Heidecker
  • Robert Englund
  • Daniel Stern
  • Jordan Peele
  • Tom Green
  • Lorenzo Lamas
  • Kevin Heffernan
  • Jerry O’Connell
  • Ben Stiller
  • Jack Black
  • Liam Hemsworth
  • Dane Cook
  • Pauly Shore
  • Andy Dick
  • Clark Duke
  • Whitney Cummings

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To wrap things up, this show still had plenty of fuel in the tank. The goal for any show is hit 100 episodes. That’s the number needed to hit syndication. The guys definitely had another 14 episodes in ’em. If this is the last we ever see of the Workaholics crew, then the series finale was gnar. If we can get a movie… fug… that would be shib. S’GO!

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